Mawwage

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How does one go from a loving embrace to wanting to throat punch someone within a few hours?

Be married to my husband.

He’s a good man, a hard worker, a great friend, BUT if he doesn’t drop the bass from his voice when speaking to me soon, he’s going to be no more.

We have been married for almost 13 years, and we’ve been a couple for 15. Ups and downs like any healthy relationship (with a few misdeeds on both of our parts). We have two beautiful, if not conscientious children.

We have different parenting styles. I prefer to nip the behavior(s) in the bud, while he has an “I’m laid back until you annoy me to the point of exploding” approach. Homework in our house is a Sisyphean effort. I tackle the reading, writing, social studies, and projects. He warily approaches fifth grade math. It may seem like an unfair division, but as I’ve said before….many, many times….I don’t math.

The problem with this is simple. The mister works all day, and gets home usually between 6 and 7 p.m. He works in a field where he’s surrounded by whiners all day, so to come home and be bombarded with questions about fractions, decimals, and why the hell any of this is important can be a tad overwhelming to him. This in no way gives him permission to come at me like a spider monkey when I suggest the Prince take his questions to his teacher tomorrow, seeing as how the mister can’t seem to answer a question without a condescending tone. I get it. The boy is a bit of an asshole. He puts off work until the last minute, then expects to be saved. He comes by it naturally. Both his father and I do the same. Damn. Thing.

This has been therapeutic. My pimp hand isn’t twitching half as bad. Now to go listen to some Drowning Pool…

Reasons I’m Considering Atheism

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1. Sunday is for sleep

2. I loathe looking for Easter outfits for my son and daughter. They. Hate. Everything!

3. Christmas gives me stress. Stress gives me pimples. 38 year olds shouldn’t get pimples.

Other than that, God and I are good. We discuss daily events. I ask that he looks after my family, and considers keeping the cancer far away from me.

I get it. I understand the disbelief. What I don’t understand is the animosity between the, let’s say two, factions. The religious and the non religious. If I’m not trying to convert you to my way of thinking, what business is it of yours what my beliefs are? I have friends who are devout Catholics. I’ve had coworkers who were Muslim. Hell, my best friend is agnostic.

The beautiful thing about being a human is that you should be able to look past all the bullshit, and see a person’s worth by their actions and not their beliefs.

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Merry Christmas, y’all

Sailor Mouth

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I’m trying to put an end to my salty language. I love cuss words. They taste great in my mouth, but I’m really trying. It’s hard, because there are a lot of dumb shits and assholes in this world.

Then my bestie with testes sends something like this: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2m0z9q/hey_reddit_whats_the_best_swear_youve_ever_heard/

If you are a fan of Louis CK, you’ll realize the reason this kind of post defeats my purpose. Louis says, “Everybody – everybody has different words that offend them, different things that they hear that they get offended by – I’m – to me, the thing that offends me the most, is every time that I hear the “N” word. Not “nigger” by the way. I mean the “N” word, literally whenever a white lady on CNN with nice hair says: “The ‘N’ word.” That’s just white people getting away with saying nigger, that’s all that is. They found a way to say nigger. “N word.” It’s bullshit cause when you say the “N word” you put the word nigger in the listeners head.”

I don’t say the word, nor the assumptive phrase he uses, but the reddit post makes me cuss along with them. They are quite imaginative in their vocabulary, and frankly, I’m kind of  jealous.

Cussing, to me, is just one more thing to be addicted to. I don’t do drugs, I hardly drink, and I no longer smoke. After food and social media, cussing is all I have left.

 

My baby

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My baby is 12 years old, and I’m always scared that when we are out together people are judging her. She’s not as beautiful as she once was, and quite frankly, I’m scared when we go to her annual appointments, they’ll tell me it’s time to let her go.

She definitely could use a facelift, and some extra makeup wouldn’t hurt, but she’s mine, and I love her. I would trade her in for something small, sleek, and black, but I don’t think I could afford it at the moment.

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Day 29: 5 weird things that you like

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1. My husband – trust me.

2. Potato salad sandwiches – I can’t remember exactly when this started, but I remember that I got it from my daddy. He was probably high with the munchies when he made this delicious dinner for me, but that’s ok. It’s stuck now. I don’t know if I actually still like eating it, or it just reminds me of him. Either way, you should try it.

3. Chick Fil A waffle fries with ketchup and mayonnaise – Have you had this nectar of the gods?!? Sweet, tangy, and salty! It’s the ultimate stoner/pms/kid who eats their feelings food!!

Geez! I can’t think of 5 things. If I like something, I automatically stop thinking of it as weird. I haven’t been told of anything strange that I like, but if I think of something else, I’ll have to write it down.