Friendship is hard

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I have this friend. I met her at work about five years ago. She’s been with me through some serious shit, but being her friend is difficult, to put it mildly. She tells me that she needs a friend, we make plans, and then she cancels. This has happened more than once.
There is no “typical” when it comes to depression, but I would hazard a guess that her case would pretty much be  textbook. She’s manic with social anxiety, and that, if you’ve never been around it, is a stressful person to be around. She also has a tendency to laugh maniacally while saying that she’s not depressed. It’s quite obvious to those around her, yet she continually denies it.
I’ve tried to be there for her, but I have my own struggles with depression, and I am an emotional empath. I tend to take on other’s pain and mirror them. This is great for them, because they feel like I really understand them. Not so great for me, because not only do I understand them, but I also have to find a way to claw myself up from their abyss.
I don’t have a friend like me. I tend to be drawn to those who are damaged, and damaged people are usually very self involved. I don’t mind being there for the people I love, but sometimes I would like to have a conversation that is not one sided. Sometimes, I would like a friend to ask how I’ve been, and call me on my bullshit when I say, “Fine”. One day, I’d like to be able to listen to a friend’s problems, and when it’s my turn, they pay attention and not just stare blankly until it’s their turn to talk again. I don’t think that’s asking for too much.

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6 thoughts on “Friendship is hard

  1. I’ve had a number of people tell me I’m a “good listener.” That’s great, but sometimes I’d like people to let me talk. While I don’t suffer from depression, I do have things I’d sometimes like to say, and sometimes I’d like the same emotional support that I try to give to others. That never happens, at least not face-to-face – I only get any kind of emotional support from people who read and comment on my blog. Are you shocked? I think a lot of us bloggers are in the same boat.

  2. haha me too – are we talking to the same people??? 😉

    RARELY do I have a conversation with someone and they actually ask about me……..it’s always me asking……AND LISTENING…..then giving advice!!!! :/

  3. That is a hard friendship to have, but I get your friend. I don’t venture out much and I am not manic… really. But I also hate crowds and feel overwhelmed easily just by “plans.” Sometimes the canceling of a planned “date” or meeting makes me feel relief, which might be the trigger for your friend. Just a guess, obviously. I hope all is well! I see you have posted in a bit. -OM

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