Day 26: Things you like and dislike about yourself

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  1. I love my smile. My mother spent a fortune on it 😀
  2. I’m a loyal friend. If you’re part of my tiny circle, you’re there for life. Blood in/Blood out.
  3. I love that I’m creative in the kitchen. You’ll never go hungry when you stay at my house.
  4. I’m naive about ulterior motives. I can see when someone I care about is getting used, but completely blindsided when it happens to me.
  5. I’m forgiving. This is a love/hate thing for me. On one hand, it allows me to sleep better at night. On the other, I let people back into my life that are probably best left in the dust.

Day 25: Something you’re currently worrying about

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To be quite honest, I’m currently worried about my best friend. He is the sweetest guy, and he’s going through a buttload of crap at the moment.

Exes suck on g.p., but when you have intertwined DNA to form another human, I can only imagine it sucks way more.

Hang in there buddy. I’m here for you, always 🙂

Day 24: 5 words/phrases that make you laugh

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1. Twitter, or more importantly “tweet”. My daughter was born in 2007, and this was before I knew about social media. My husband and I aren’t ones for medical terms when it comes to body parts. That means that we assigned the name “Tweeter” to her girly bits. Now, there’s a brainworm for ya 🙂

2. Fart. C’mon!! It’s funny!

3. Bless your heart….we all know what is really meant when that phrase is muttered under the breath.

4. (Lord and mama forgive me) Cock knocker. Who the hell thought this one up?!? My stepbrothers called each other this imaginative name all the time!

5. “Could I BE wearing anymore clothes?!?” Makes me giggle uncontrollably. Every time.

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Day 21: What you hope your future will be like…

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I have to admit, I didn’t want to write this prompt, because it actually said, “How you hope your future will be like” and it made me cringe.

I hope that my future is full of the right choices. I hope my future is long and steady. I hope my future is made of righteous decisions. I hope I’m able to help plan my daughter’s wedding, and dislike my daughter in law because she’s not good enough for my son.

None of us are promised tomorrow, so I hope that my future is devoid of regret. I hope that I can show my children how much I love them, and that they’ll understand that everything I’ve done had been in their best interest.

I hope that I have a long, meaningful future.

Day 20: Your fears

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If you’ve read any of my former posts, you will know that I was diagnosed and went through treatment for a very rare, aggressive cancer, Small Cell Neuroendocrine Cervical Carcinoma. The five year survival rate is approximately 50%, if you were diagnosed at 1b1 or below. My diagnosis was 1b2, and I’m at 3 years post treatment.

I’m 37 years old with a 10 year old son and 7 year old daughter. My biggest fear is that I won’t see them become the people I know they can grow up to be.

The crazy thing about cancer, or any terminal disease, really, is that you are NEVER TRULY CURED. Sure, the physical illness may be cured, but you are never without the fear. I may not look sick anymore, but every time I have some strange pain, I’m absolutely positive it’s the monster come back to take me away from my babies. Every time I have a cough that lasts just a little too long, I’m sure that it has taken over my lungs. When I’m a little more fatigued than normal, my first thought is metastasis to the brain. I’ve been called a drama queen (which hurt), but until you can take a stroll in my brain, you should probably keep the judgement to a minimum.

I know a lot of people who have had cancer, and they all confirm that my feelings are not crazy. They have all had moments of weakness, where their positivity has run on empty, and they have given in to their fears.

This is my new normal. This is where I’ll be until my dying day. Whether that is in my near future or distant future, only God knows.

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