Giving the Side Eye to Tiny, Little Phone People

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Have you ever read something online,  and just knew it was about you?  Ever read a response to a message, and could virtually hear the sarcasm/disdain/malice? Have you ever read a message and thought about how angry it seemed?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions,  it might be time to log off, and get back to reality.

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It’s been a while

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I know, I know. I haven’t checked in for quite a while. Dealing with life has kept me busy.

As of right now, I am in such a stressed out state that I don’t even reach out to my closest friends. I hate to be thought of as a burden or a charity case, and try to handle everything myself. This, in turn, creates more stress…not less. Who knew?!?

So, what non-stressful things have been happening?

Well. We rescued a dog on Valentine’s Day. She’s an American bulldog mix. Mixed with what? We have no idea. I suspect it’s Greyhound.

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Her name is Amber, and she’s a Parvo survivor! She’s the sweetest little asshole you’ll ever meet 🙂

I’m addicted to crack….Trivia Crack, that is. It really helps to take my mind off of things, especially when I kick my (way smarter than me) mbff’s butt. Don’t tell him, but my husband helps me on the sports category.

My children are crazy, and driving me crazy, but that’s also a good way to get my mind off of things.

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Is it just me, or does my son look like Carl from The Walking Dead?

Speaking of, I am super bummed that the season is over, and now need suggestions for something to take its place until it comes back on.

Really, nothing else has been going on, so this pretty much catches us up. I hope all of y’all had a wonderful Easter, and I’ll try not to be such a stranger.

Don’t harass my child….

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Or I will fucking cut you!

My daughter is in her second year of girl scouts. Last year was an experience I would never want to repeat, and thankfully we were transferred to a different troop, so we won’t have to.

Here’s the thing….my daughter enjoys being part of the Girl Scouts. She has friends in her troop, and she likes doing the fun activities with them and her awesome troop leader. She knows nothing about the political agenda of the people who protest the organization due to their skewed sense of righteousness. She doesn’t know what Planned Parenthood is, because SHE’S 7!!!

So, here’s an idea. If you have something against a non-profit organization, take it up with headquarters, and not the innocent child trying to learn public speaking, money handling, and how to get along with other girls.

If you don’t want to buy cookies, then don’t. It doesn’t hurt the girls’ feelings, and they won’t follow you to your car, begging. A simple “no thank you” will suffice. We don’t have a quota, but if we did, there are plenty of people who have been asking for the crack cookies since October. Don’t be a pussy and try to hide. The children are observing you, and judging learning from your behavior. Don’t be rude in your response, or mama bear just might follow you to your car (kidding. Sort of.).

Here’s something to think about, though. When you feel the venom rising, and it’s about to push through your lips, remember that before every meeting, the girls recite the pledge of allegiance, the girl scout promise, and this:

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So, when you are finding ways to put down a group of children, they are doing everything possible to build each other up.

Friendship is hard

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I have this friend. I met her at work about five years ago. She’s been with me through some serious shit, but being her friend is difficult, to put it mildly. She tells me that she needs a friend, we make plans, and then she cancels. This has happened more than once.
There is no “typical” when it comes to depression, but I would hazard a guess that her case would pretty much be  textbook. She’s manic with social anxiety, and that, if you’ve never been around it, is a stressful person to be around. She also has a tendency to laugh maniacally while saying that she’s not depressed. It’s quite obvious to those around her, yet she continually denies it.
I’ve tried to be there for her, but I have my own struggles with depression, and I am an emotional empath. I tend to take on other’s pain and mirror them. This is great for them, because they feel like I really understand them. Not so great for me, because not only do I understand them, but I also have to find a way to claw myself up from their abyss.
I don’t have a friend like me. I tend to be drawn to those who are damaged, and damaged people are usually very self involved. I don’t mind being there for the people I love, but sometimes I would like to have a conversation that is not one sided. Sometimes, I would like a friend to ask how I’ve been, and call me on my bullshit when I say, “Fine”. One day, I’d like to be able to listen to a friend’s problems, and when it’s my turn, they pay attention and not just stare blankly until it’s their turn to talk again. I don’t think that’s asking for too much.

Best Physical Feature

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Phenomenal Woman

BY MAYA ANGELOU

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   

But when I start to tell them,

They think I’m telling lies.

I say,

It’s in the reach of my arms,

The span of my hips,   

The stride of my step,   

The curl of my lips.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,   

That’s me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,   

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.   

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.   

I say,

It’s the fire in my eyes,   

And the flash of my teeth,   

The swing in my waist,   

And the joy in my feet.   

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can’t touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them,   

They say they still can’t see.   

I say,

It’s in the arch of my back,   

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.

I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Now you understand

Just why my head’s not bowed.   

I don’t shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.   

When you see me passing,

It ought to make you proud.

I say,

It’s in the click of my heels,   

The bend of my hair,   

the palm of my hand,   

The need for my care.   

’Cause I’m a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That’s me.

Maya Angelou, “Phenomenal Woman” from And Still I Rise.Copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou. Used by permission of Random House, Inc.

Source: The Complete Collected Poems of Maya Angelou (Random House Inc., 1994)

Worst Habits

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1. I eat my dinner in the bathtub.
2. I go to sex clubs.
3. I watch freaky people getting it on.

Kidding! Kidding! Eating in the tub is gross!!

I don’t have very many bad habits, but probably the worst is being late all the time. It’s not that I feel my time is more important, or that I don’t want to follow through on the plans we’ve made. I just get distracted very easily.

Also, and I don’t know if this is a habit or a quirk, but I spout song lyrics and movie quotes all the damn time. I’m sure it gets annoying for the friends/family who have to look them up. Luckily, I have two friends who “get” me, so we’ll usually end up quoting an entire movie.

That’s it. Two that I can think of. I’m sure the mister or the bestie with testes would be able to think of a million more, but nah nah, na nah nah…they’re not here.

So, what are some of your bad habits?

What’s In My Purse?

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Clockwise:

Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue

Pen and pad of paper (because I have kids, and this still keeps them occupied for 15 minutes at a time)

Nail file

Truck key and multiple store reward cards

Makeup (I’m a bit of a NYX addict)

My Fluff wallet

Jergens hand lotion

See guys, nothing scary. I left my cuffs at home this weekend.